Everyone has their heart broken at some point in there life.
From that favourite toy that you left in the supermarket carpark as a child to breaking up with your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend as a teen.
Then theres the hard hitting stuff, losing a close relative, spouse, family member or a friend... We all go through it, but the way we deal with heartbreak is most important.
I often thought that I coped with heartbreak pretty well...or I thought I could at least hide it well enough.
Growing up, I lost my grandmother at a very young age. She was a massive inspiration in my life and she was the reason I pushed myself so hard to start performing professionally. Then at 14, I lost my dad when he passed away suddenly from a heart attack. This I believe really changed me as a person. I found that in myself, I tried so hard to be as strong and opaque as possible and in doing so I became very stubborn and would easily shut people out as I didn't want to get hurt again. Still to this day it has become a hinderance to some of my relationships.
Recently, I have found myself in a traumatic experience that has been affecting me greatly for the past two months...
The loss of my dog.
The loss of my dog.
For those readers out there who don't have animals, this may not be of interest, however I wanted to share my story as I feel that is relatable to many of you out there reading this post right now.
It's funny because before we adopted Minnie last year, I never was a "dog person". Ha, I laugh because if anyone was to tell me that I would have owned a dog, even a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have believed you.
It all started in February last year. I have always strongly believed in adopting a pet over purchasing from a breeder, and when Brad and I decided to bring a dog into our lives, It was not a decision we took lightly.
Owning a pet is such a huge responsibility and we really wanted to do our research first before jumping straight into anything. That's when we decided to adopt a rescue dog through 'The Dogs Trust'. Whilst many people would have there own reservations about taking in a rescue dog, I had not a doubt in my mind that it wouldnt be the right option for us and I never felt naive to the responsibilities that we would face.
Minnie was the best thing that ever happened to me last year.
She came into my life when I really was at rock bottom. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, will know that I suffer from Anxiety Disorder and it affects my everyday life. Minnie really was a breath of fresh air and helped me come out from the woodwork and really get my life back on track.
She absolutely was the best dog.
I know everyone is bias but she was the funniest, most beautiful and clever little pup. She would light up a room and everyone she met, loved her. I swear she was an angel in disguise.
Minnie and her brother and sisters where illegally imported into the country from Slovakia just weeks after they were born and were taking into isolation at the Dogs Trust. At 12 weeks, she was ready for adoption. We always had our eye on adopting a miniature dachshund and couldn't believe our fate when we got a phone call to say that she was available and they were keen for us all to meet. It was honestly love at first sight and before we knew it we signed the papers and she was ours.
Looking after a puppy isn't easy. Hilariously entertaining, but not easy.
There was the months of puppy and toilet training... god help us If it was ever raining outside because she would never go to wee outside....did anyone else have this problem? Luckily Minnie was never a chewer....however the only thing she did manage to get a hold of was chewing the heel off my favourite pair of stilettos. Take my hat off to her for her taste in shoes though!
This story is incredibly ironic because Minnie had always been a healthy little pup. We had arranged to take her to the vets on the 16th of May for her booster jab and for a quick check up. Whilst she waited patiently in the waiting area, we watched other dogs nervously sit with their owners, meanwhile Minnie had not a care in the world. We had no idea that within the next few days, our lives would change.
On Saturday 21st May, My whole world came crashing down.
That evening, we were all sat snuggled up watching tv and Minnie was being her usual little self....happy as larry, her tail wagging and tucked up in her favourite place... between my partner and I! (She would get so jealous haha!). The most incredible thing is that I actually said to her that evening-
"That is the best cuddle you have ever given me, Minnie."
As the three of us went off to bed, she lay by my side and went to sleep. At 3am, I was woken up suddenly to find that Minnie was having a seizure and was struggling to breathe. Within minutes, we had her in the car on the way to the emergency hospital.
As we sat in the reception, I was in complete shock and couldn't contain myself.
12 hours later, we found out that Minnie had been poisoned by an antifreeze-like substance and it had infected her kidneys substantially.
Those four days that she spent in hospital were like a complete rollercoaster ride. Minnie was fighting for her life and she fought so hard for such a little pup. We visited her everyday and made sure she was comfortable in the ward so we could have our little princess home as soon as possible. Blood tests had shown that Minnie was on the up and she was finally 'out of the danger zone' and although the effects of the toxin would be more long term, She would be fine and would be back home with us in a few days.
By Tuesday, She was as right as rain. Minnie had completely perked up and we were able to take her out for a short walk around the grounds to have a little time with her on our own. We just couldn't wait to have her back home again.
Sadly, That would be the last walk we had together as a family.
The next following morning, we went to the hospital to bring some of her favourite treats and toys. We were completely horrified when we arrived to see our little pumpkin so sick. Within 24 hours, Things went downhill so quickly and we had to make the hardest decision that neither of us could have ever prepared for.
Saying goodbye to Minnie was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.
It was hard to come to terms with the fact she had passed away so young and would never have the full life expectancy that she so greatly deserved.
Owning a pet is such a huge responsibility and we really wanted to do our research first before jumping straight into anything. That's when we decided to adopt a rescue dog through 'The Dogs Trust'. Whilst many people would have there own reservations about taking in a rescue dog, I had not a doubt in my mind that it wouldnt be the right option for us and I never felt naive to the responsibilities that we would face.
Minnie was the best thing that ever happened to me last year.
She came into my life when I really was at rock bottom. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, will know that I suffer from Anxiety Disorder and it affects my everyday life. Minnie really was a breath of fresh air and helped me come out from the woodwork and really get my life back on track.
She absolutely was the best dog.
I know everyone is bias but she was the funniest, most beautiful and clever little pup. She would light up a room and everyone she met, loved her. I swear she was an angel in disguise.
Minnie and her brother and sisters where illegally imported into the country from Slovakia just weeks after they were born and were taking into isolation at the Dogs Trust. At 12 weeks, she was ready for adoption. We always had our eye on adopting a miniature dachshund and couldn't believe our fate when we got a phone call to say that she was available and they were keen for us all to meet. It was honestly love at first sight and before we knew it we signed the papers and she was ours.
Looking after a puppy isn't easy. Hilariously entertaining, but not easy.
There was the months of puppy and toilet training... god help us If it was ever raining outside because she would never go to wee outside....did anyone else have this problem? Luckily Minnie was never a chewer....however the only thing she did manage to get a hold of was chewing the heel off my favourite pair of stilettos. Take my hat off to her for her taste in shoes though!
This story is incredibly ironic because Minnie had always been a healthy little pup. We had arranged to take her to the vets on the 16th of May for her booster jab and for a quick check up. Whilst she waited patiently in the waiting area, we watched other dogs nervously sit with their owners, meanwhile Minnie had not a care in the world. We had no idea that within the next few days, our lives would change.
On Saturday 21st May, My whole world came crashing down.
That evening, we were all sat snuggled up watching tv and Minnie was being her usual little self....happy as larry, her tail wagging and tucked up in her favourite place... between my partner and I! (She would get so jealous haha!). The most incredible thing is that I actually said to her that evening-
"That is the best cuddle you have ever given me, Minnie."
As the three of us went off to bed, she lay by my side and went to sleep. At 3am, I was woken up suddenly to find that Minnie was having a seizure and was struggling to breathe. Within minutes, we had her in the car on the way to the emergency hospital.
As we sat in the reception, I was in complete shock and couldn't contain myself.
12 hours later, we found out that Minnie had been poisoned by an antifreeze-like substance and it had infected her kidneys substantially.
Those four days that she spent in hospital were like a complete rollercoaster ride. Minnie was fighting for her life and she fought so hard for such a little pup. We visited her everyday and made sure she was comfortable in the ward so we could have our little princess home as soon as possible. Blood tests had shown that Minnie was on the up and she was finally 'out of the danger zone' and although the effects of the toxin would be more long term, She would be fine and would be back home with us in a few days.
By Tuesday, She was as right as rain. Minnie had completely perked up and we were able to take her out for a short walk around the grounds to have a little time with her on our own. We just couldn't wait to have her back home again.
Sadly, That would be the last walk we had together as a family.
The next following morning, we went to the hospital to bring some of her favourite treats and toys. We were completely horrified when we arrived to see our little pumpkin so sick. Within 24 hours, Things went downhill so quickly and we had to make the hardest decision that neither of us could have ever prepared for.
Saying goodbye to Minnie was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.
It was hard to come to terms with the fact she had passed away so young and would never have the full life expectancy that she so greatly deserved.
In losing her, I just wanted to stay in bed and hide away from the world.
In that moment, I have never felt more alone in my life. I felt so many emotions all at once and wasn't quite sure how to deal with it all. Straight away, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. What if?? What else could I have done in order for things to have been different?. What could I have done to stop it all? But the truth is...nothing can be done.
Although I wanted to use my steely determination to battle it through on my own. I knew it was never going to be possible.
For me the best thing I found in dealing with heartbreak was by talking about it to others around me. If you find yourself in one of these situations and its getting too much...let it all out! Find someone you can confide in, wether thats a friend or relative or even a counsellor. Talk through everything and release all of those emotions that are being bottled up. Remember, people will always be there to support you and lift you back up again.
Now, two months later, I am trying to put all of the pieces together and trying to move on. Minnie will always have a massive piece of my heart and nothing could ever replace her. I believe that there are lots of things in life that test you, its how you pick yourself back up which is most important.
Sleep Tight Minnie
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
Love
This is so beautifully written. I have just gone through the same thing with my 3.5yr old red heeler. He had a very aggressive lymphoma. Within three short weeks he had started to diminish. We too had to make the call to say goodbye just three weeks ago. The heartache I feel is like nothing else. Thank you for sharing xxx
ReplyDeleteAh Thank you so much for your comment. This is heartbreaking news, I am so sorry for your loss.. I know exactly how you must feel at this sad time, If you need anyone to talk to, I am always available for a chat! My heart goes out to you and Im sending you all of my love! xx
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